just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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