Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
