I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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