Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
