I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
