Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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