i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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