I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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