i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
