you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
