How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
