so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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