FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
