i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
