The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Can I color on your dick again?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
