Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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