I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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