I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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