Please, let me fuck your mom
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
