She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
