Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
