so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
