we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
