Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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