Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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