So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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