Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
