I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
send nudes
from the living room?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
