You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
