Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
