We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
