Pappa wants mamma naked
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
