There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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