Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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