I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
