my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
