In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can you bring me the toilet please
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
