you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just invented taco cereal.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
