I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
