I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
