You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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