The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
