It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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