You can't special order awesome
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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