even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
