did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
