id be glad to
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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