there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
