How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
