it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
