I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
