things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
