Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
