uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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