hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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