so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
