Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
