Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize