Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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