New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
