Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
