he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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