If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
