Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
