Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
