The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
