dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
