worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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