I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
