Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
