your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
