pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
