I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
