there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
