you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
