i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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